Can Meditation Replace Your Therapist?

What is the role of a therapist? The role of a therapist is to build a therapeutic relationship comprised of unconditional positive regard, a commitment to the ethical code, and the structure needed to support making and achieving client goals. There are many other nuances to the job of a therapist, but for simplicity’s sake, we’ll leave it there. According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, the pillars of mindfulness are non-judgement, patience, trust, acceptance, gratitude and non-striving. There are some fascinating similarities between the role of a therapist and the philosophies of meditation. Let me show you what I mean. 

  Unconditional positive regard is a term coined by Carl Rogers, one of the firsts to found humanistic psychology. He learned that a client-centered approach, where the therapist is willing to see people as experts on their own lives, resolved the threat of judgement and allowed people to engage in therapy more fully. I can attest to how powerful this simple concept is. Many people who come into therapy for the first time express great relief from talking freely, and being witnessed by an observer without judgement. The first principle of mindfulness, which is required  for meditation to take place, is non-judgement. When engaging in a new practice, non-judgement is especially important for longevity and consistency. One of my favorite quotes is by Jennifer Wolkin, “we need both consistency and compassion for inconsistency, when seeking change.” Meditation is not meant to be something that you are good or bad at. Not something that makes you better or worse than other people. It is not supposed to be hard or easy. Those are all judgements that make it difficult to engage with long term. Much like Carl Rogers learned that judgement from a therapist makes therapy challenging to approach and get the most benefit from. 

The ethical code that therapists are beholden to is extensive, however a lot of it is centered around the hippocratic oath “Do No Harm.” The ethics of therapy are important to keep people safe, to maintain the integrity of the therapeutic relationship, and of course to ensure that we are helping people in the most effective way possible. This aspect of a therapist might be similar to trust and acceptance principles taught by meditation. Trust in meditation is speaking to a relationship with yourself. The trust to listen to yourself, trust to take care of yourself, and trust to do good, and act in alignment with your values. Acceptance is about softening resistance. Acceptance is that there are rules, regulations, and limitations as part of life and a contemplation about how to exist honestly within those parameters. 

Now, the structures necessary for client goals and progress include a modality for the therapist to operate from, a familiarity with diagnoses and treatment methods, and patience for the process of healing to take time. There is a common phrase in the therapy world, “don’t work harder than the client,” which is referring to a need to meet people where they are, and realize that we cannot force the process. We can do our best to create the fertile soil for a person to grow into, and yet there are many factors in a person’s life that are outside of our control. Non-striving in meditation terms means just that. When we cross a certain threshold of effort, our progress can be thwarted because of the frustration, rigidity, and resentment that can happen when we attach too tightly to a certain outcome. Both the work of a therapist and the endeavour of a meditation practice is most effective when relaxed effort is applied. This involves patience and flexibility. Ironically, when we let go of the tension and soften expectations we have of ourselves, our desired outcome is much more likely to emerge. This is true of so many parts of the human experience, therapy and meditation are no exception. 

In the book “Open Heart. Clear Mind,” author Thubten Chodron reminds us that the word Meditation is a Tibetan word that shares the same verbal root as the words “to habituate” and “to familiarize.” She says 

“Thus in meditation we endeavor to habituate ourselves to valuable ways of viewing the world. We also seek to familiarize ourselves with an accurate view of reality so that we can eliminate all wrong conceptions and disturbing attitudes,” 

In her book, she teaches that meditation can serve many purposes, two of which are “calm abiding,” and “special insight.” A lot of people might be bought into meditation for the calming effect that it can have, which is wonderful. There is a large body of research supporting the correlation between meditation and healthy nervous system regulation. Don’t stop there. The special insight and that you can gain into yourself, your relationships, and your perspective on the world is priceless. This is the same insight and perspective you can gain from attending a therapy session with a trusted professional. 

You might think I am angling hard for the case that meditation can indeed replace your therapist. It is certainly an intriguing idea. An idea that would save you a lot of money, I’m sure. My point is less about therapy or meditation, it’s more about relationships. It is such a gift to have a person in your life that can offer you all of the above, whether that’s a therapist, a mentor, a church leader. It’s a gift when someone outside of us can offer this type of support. There are aspects of a relationship with someone else that can make these concepts easier to apply and understand. My angle is that meditation can be a vehicle to cultivating a relationship with yourself where all of these principles can be experienced as well. How amazing that you might be able to have all of that good stuff within you and at no cost or reliance on anyone else. A relationship with yourself that allows trust, patience, non-judgement and gratitude. That is my goal personally in my own life and professionally as I do the work of a therapist to help other people. If I have helped you better be able to help yourself and you are now living life outside of therapy, I am so proud and happy for you. That is my greatest desire. Help me help more people by sending someone this article who might benefit. 

Wishing you Wellness, 

Janessa Cole MA LPC